New Year’s resolutions are not something that I usually get excited about, but I think we need a New Year’s resolution at Trondhjem that we all should try to follow. Let us resolve together in the New Year “to be more considerate of others in our speech and actions.” Let us also resolve “to be more sensitive to the unintended consequences of what we say and do.”
In the last few months I have become more aware of people who have been at Trondhjem, but are no longer here. When I have spoken to them, their departure is not because we have talked too much about money. Their departure is because of how they were treated by us Trondhjem members, or how they perceived they were treated. From their perspective we have “in groups” and the “outsiders.” Feelings have been hurt, and they feel as if they just never would find their place here. I don’t think any of us intended for the above situations to have happened, but they did.
During my visit out with my mother and family in Portland, Oregon, for her 90th birthday, I got a good lesson and a needed lesson in “unintended consequences.” Here is what happened. When I visit my mother, I try to get accomplished for her all the little things that a 90 year old needs to have done. I get into my “Mack Truck” mode, as my wife would describe it. My mother is appreciative, but she does not seem to recognize as clearly all that my sister does for her now, or did for her during the previous 25 years when they lived in adjacent homes in Idaho. She does not appreciate what a gift my sister has been to her. My sister is hurt, and I am not being helpful to my sister when I am acting as the dutiful and responsible and caring son. My mother will brag to others about me and share her perception of me. The unintended consequence of my being regarded by my mother as the “golden child,” is that it hurts my relationship with my sister. That is horrible, and she and I are taking steps to correct it.
Unintended consequences can also occur on Facebook. We have many members on Facebook, and I get to read many of the “postings on various walls.” Sometimes I wince as I read one member describing in great detail the wonderful time they had with another member or with their family. Then, they proceed to thank them for that wonderful time. I wince because I think of all the people who will read that posting, and instead of being drawn into the social network, they will find themselves to be on the outside. Some might wonder, “Why wasn’t I invited to that party?” Or, full of their own pain, they might question their relationship with that person and say silently to themselves, “I thought I was one of their best friends.” Social networking is what Facebook is supposed to be about. Sometimes it creates social divides.
As Trondhjem Lutheran Church, as followers of Jesus Christ, we are the body of Christ. St. Paul wrote some beautiful words about the body of Christ. They can be found in 1 Corinthians 12. In verse 21 we read, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’” And in verse 27 we read, “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” We need each other, and we belong together.
Let us all keep in mind that each one of us walks into Trondhjem Lutheran Church with our own hurts and sorrows. Each of us has our own challenges. We are to be a sanctuary for each other, a place of safety for others. Being a sanctuary is not just about the building. Being a sanctuary is also about Trondhjem Lutheran Church as the living, breathing body of Christ in this place and time.
Will you join me in these New Year’s resolutions? Let us be more loving and kind in the New Year than we have been in the past year. Let us work harder at being more sensitive to each other. Let us try to be more aware of the unintended consequences of our actions and speech so that we can prevent those consequences from happening. We need to keep these resolutions. As Trondhjem Lutheran Church, we cannot afford to fail.
Sincerely,
Pastor Howard